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10 Reasons Why Melania Should Divorce

Many of you are familiar with the hearsay of Melania Trump being poised at separating from the ousted US President Donald Trump. But beyond the basis for pocketing big bucks lies 10 reasons, realistic and humoristic, for her to break-up from this embittered klutz.

1. Money 

We’re all abreast with women being gold diggers. But when Melania files for divorce, she’ll pocket more than most women will make in a lifetime. Melania Trump could receive as much as AU$68 million if she choose to end her marriage with the US President, according to a legal expert. “Melania is counting every minute until he is out of office and she can divorce,” said former White House Aide Omarosa Manigault Newman.

2. Emancipation 

“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” is a famous Australian saying peddled by feminists. Let’s face it, Melania most probably doesn’t need Donald; he’s old and ugly, and not to foreground the 24 year age discrepancy. Nowadays, women are liberated, and Melania’s fission from Donald will be a big F-you to this cultural mores: a women’s rights movement that began in the nineteenth century to ensure that women have the same legal rights as men.

3. Never have to sleep with again

One can only wonder how any woman can sleep with Donald  — but money talks. His orange countenance, hair, and again, his age are what add to unattractiveness. But his political ideals and tongue are what break the camel’s back. A study shows that 93 per cent of female partners are with a spouse they are attracted to, can be intimate with and can chime with, idiosyncratically— all the things he’s missing.

4. Further his downfall 

Since losing to Biden, it would be reasonable for Melania to ditch him. Because since losing the election, Trump has failed to concede and congratulate Joe Biden on his victory; highlighting his abhorrent and sour personality. “If Melania were to try to pull the ultimate humiliation and leave while he’s in office, he would find a way to punish her” said former White House Aide Omarosa Manigault Newman reportedly. This would further his downfall Oedipus the King style. 

5. Incompatibility 

When with Donald in public spheres, Melanie has always remained silent. This only adds to the mystery behind whether she is his significant other  — or $ignificant other, per se. Couples who bode well are usually gossipy, playful and light-hearted. But in almost all of Melaniea’s public appearances, she has been stoic to the press and Trump’s affection; and there’s no blaming her, he’s an awful pick!

6. Divulge private life with him for more moolah 

An exposé disclosing life behind closed doors with Trump will not only garner world attention but be the ultimate humiliation to the loser. Trump’s inept presidency is only indicative of his personal life; and when Melania reveals his faults and foibles, he’ll be history’s laughing stock. There’s no shame in letting loose on your ex, especially to consolidate sympathy and media attention.

7.Disprove the myth of just wanting a sugar daddy

The Internet is awash with memes, parodies and articles speculating that she’s with him for the money. But unlike many sugar babies, Melania has bore and reared Donald’s child. This is the complete confutation to this speculation. Truly facts don’t lie; sugar babies are in it for a short period, and sugar daddies tend to switch these babies every couple of months. Melania has apparently been married to this malignant defecation-funnel for over 15 years.

8. F#ck the patriarchy

 

 

For any of you feminists reading this, then this should pique your interest. According to Jen Meyers the author of F#ck The Patriarchy: It’s time for society to band together — women and men — to put an end to the toxic patriarchy we’re living in. It’s a system in which men hold all jurisdiction and women are largely excluded. That’s the world we’re still inexplicably living in. 

9. Marry the man of her dreams 

When she’s divorced, she can commit to a much more attractive and charismatic man. Every woman envisions a compatible and appealing man. And with Melania’s looks, she doesn’t need to do much work, she’ll have a diamond ring on your finger in less than six months. Men must be allowed to be men! Whereas, women will be wise at least in the beginning to try and become more like The Mona Lisa, and this is the case for Melania. 

10. Die like Diana 

Let’s face it, everyone loves Diana. A woman named after the ancient godesss of hunting was the most hunted woman of her era. But many conspiracy theories surround the Princess of Wales’ death. And one might wonder if Melania splits, hypothetically speaking, will she face the same fate? Well, with Donald’s wealth, greed and overbearing nature, he may devise a scheme to end her — reciprocally. It would also be the best way to go be remembered.